Being mum · The world of an ordinary mummy · Uncategorized

My sons are more than enough.

Today I saw a beautiful picture on Instagram of a mother who had just given birth, her face was full of overwhelming love and accomplishment as she looked at her baby and was cradled by her partner, beneath it was the tag line “When a mother of sons finds out she has a girl”, those words had ruined for me what was a beautiful image. Why do we as a society believe that women are only satisfied when they have daughters and that men surely want sons, you can see this belief everywhere, from social media to television and magazines and as a mother to three boys I’ve had enough.

I have been asked more times than I can remember if I will “try for a girl”, the very question offends me as it implies that I am not content with the three beautiful sons I have brought into this world, that their lives and the joy they bring is not enough because as a woman I am expected to pine for a daughter, a mini version of myself. In the same vein my husband is expected to be bursting with contentment because he, the man, has three sons (thumps chest cave man style!), it’s all totally bonkers.

As all mothers know the moment you fall pregnant you couldn’t care less if you have a girl, boy or an alien as long as it is safe and yours to love and cherish forever. The majority of people who ask me if I will “try for a girl” are mothers themselves so I find it incomprehensible that they did not feel the same unquestioning love for their own children, so why do they believe that my sons aren’t enough! Of course if you posed this question to them they would most likely be mortified that you had interpreted them that way but what other way is there to interpret the question “will you try for a girl”.  You never hear a mother of three daughters being asked if she will “try for a boy”, why is that because she must surely be satisfied with three girls. I am sure a father of three girls would be questioned about trying for a son though and why because it’s impossible that he would be happy with only daughters.

It saddens me that society can’t look at a mother with three or thirty three sons and simply think wow she is so blessed, she must be so happy (and stressed) and congratulations to her on the safe arrival of her babies. Why have we let gender stereotyping warp our view of what makes a mother and father feel fulfilled as parents, surely all children are miracles, all babies are a blessing and whether they have a penis or a vagina makes no difference.

As a mother to three amazing human beings who happen to have willies I can say I am utterly content and overwhelmingly in love with the three perfect miracles I have been lucky enough to grow, deliver and raise. I do not feel for a second that there is a part of me missing or that I ‘need’ a daughter to feel accomplished or reflected into the next generation, so no I will not be ‘trying for a girl’ because my children are a gift, they enrich my life and each of them is a unique blessing that I would not change for the world. I am a mother to three sons and I could not be prouder or happier, my only wish is that society could remove its preconceptions that women need daughters and men need sons and instead view children as equal and families as complete when the parents themselves decide they are. My sons are more than enough so please stop asking.

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16 thoughts on “My sons are more than enough.

  1. I love this! I am also Mum to 3 beautiful boys and I get asked the same question! We have considered a fourth baby which obviously must mean we want to try for a girl! Nope just maybe want to try for a healthy, happy baby! It puts me off having more because I know I will get even more of these questions. When pregnant with my third, when we told people he was a boy, I got a ‘Oh such a shame, I bet you wanted a girl!’ Shocked me how anybody could say that!

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    1. Yay fellow three dudes mummy 😀 that’s awful! You can’t believe people say these things can you, it’s just so sad. I know exactly what you mean about it putting you off having more, if hate to think people thought it was just to ‘try for a girl’ my twins were 9 weeks prem so it makes you realise even more that it makes no difference what you have as long as they are healthy and happy. Xxx

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      1. Definitely! I’m glad your twin boys are ok! Growing into tough little men already 😃
        Boys and girls are both awesome to have in different ways I’m sure but like you say a healthy child is what matters and what each person should be thankful for. I feel very lucky with my 3. I had complications with my third when he stopped moving, so I went to check if he was ok but they kept losing his heartbeat so I had an emergency c section there and then, also got put to sleep. My husband and I both missed him being born but so lucky that he’s here! Another thing people don’t think about when talking about gender they have no idea what complications have happened in pregnancy, labour or maybe even trying to get pregnant!
        If I have a fourth boy and anyone says a hurtful comment I may just let the pregnancy hormones take over haha! X

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  2. Great post!
    I have a son and a daughter and it drives me crazy when people tell me how lucky I am to have one of each… No I am lucky to have two healthy children!! It angered me so much.

    We will have more children, because we want more children and people don’t understand that. Before I even had children, I wanted boys and when our daughter was born we thought she was a boy as she looked just like her brother and it made no difference!

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  3. It’s not just women. We had three boys and were constantly asked when we were going to try for a girl.

    Then when we decided to have one more everyone assumed it was because we wanted a girl. That so wasn’t the case.

    I would have preferred another boy, I was actually terrified when we were told at a scan she was a girl.

    I’m delighted with her now but would have beeb equally pleased if we’d had another boy.

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  4. I’m expecting my third boy and having spent the weekend with my nieces et al… I’m delighted, I won’t have pink princess crap in my house, ever (unless one or all are gay). I know a multitude of women who have experienced fertility problems, aren’t I lucky to have conceived three children just like that (two unplanned!)

    I hate being asked “will you try for a girl?” I feel like telling them to f*** off sometimes, but respond with “a baby is a baby and all I want is that they’ll be healthy (with a fake smile)

    If they get it wrong and I am having a girl I will be equally delighted. Even though he jokes with chants of “lads, lads,lads” I know my husband would love a daughter, but he also doesn’t give a damn as long as we have three healthy happy children. Rock on mum who who will have an enormous food bill for the next 18 years and anyway on more than one occasion I’ve been told “you’re expecting another boy!? Well that makes you the Queen then!”

    I like that.

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  5. I don’t disagree with this- how could I- it’s your experience. My experience though as a mother of three girls is that many many people ask when I’m going to ‘try for a boy’. I don’t believe it’s as much a gender idea as an idea that people must just obviously want to raise both genders.

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  6. What a breath of fresh air to read! I am a mum of three boys (4,3 and 1) and constantly have the ‘girl’ question. Or the ‘oh well’ response- as if I’m missing out or have a raw deal!! I would consider a fourth because I’ve always wanted four children-regardless of gender. However I need to prepare myself for the constant questions and assumptions that we’ve gone for it in the hope of a girl! I am just thankful that I have been so blessed to have children.

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  7. Mum if two boys and a girl. I resented the implication that I even had a choice! It’s not up to me !? … I had a couple of bleeds with my third and it just reminds you of the fragility of life. Didn’t matter boy or girl we just wanted baby safe !

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  8. How did it ruin what was a beautiful image? That mother was proud and happy. After what may have been a rough time for her, she was delighted, you can’t take that away from her. Some families may be overjoyed to have a daughter, it doesn’t make the sons any less precious. It doesn’t mean that all they ever wanted was a girl and that the sons will sit forgotten in a corner! Being able to have kids, regardless of sex is a gift and if someone rejoices in a girl after boys, is she really the worst mum in the world?!

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    1. Hi Em, thanks for your comment and thank you for reading. The words ruined the image for me because of the way it was phrased “when a mother of sons” it implied that mothers of sons must yearn for a girl, which personally I don’t find is the case. I never for a second thought anything negative about the family in the picture, it was a photography company who had captioned the image not the family. I do go on to say in the post that all children are a blessing regardless of their sex, that’s my main point to the post. There is of course absolutely nothing wrong with delighting in having a girl. Many thanks An Ordinary Mummy x

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  9. Sorry but I definitely did want a daughter. My mother died when I was a teenager and I wanted part of a mother- daughter relationship again. I have both son and daughter and treasure both.

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  10. Sorry, Mum of 2 boys here and I do want a girl. – The majority of people who ask me if I will “try for a girl” are mothers themselves so I find it incomprehensible that they did not feel the same unquestioning love for their own children – not sure how you meant that, but I have asked that question before yet I love my boys unquestionably. I want a girl but I know it doesn’t work like that. We all want for things in life, a new house, a new car, happiness, health, wanting a girl/boy which may be different from your existing children is not a terrible thing. I’m not sure that society has that preconception as you put it, some people may just ask the question because they’re trying to make conversation? I’m sure there’s no malice intended.

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